Healing Relationships: Building Safety and Trust

A healing relationship recognizes the importance of the emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being of both individuals. After difficult life experiences, a true healing relationship helps us regain our birthright as human beings—it affirms our truths, rebuilds our self-esteem, and secures our sense of safety.

The core principle is simple: Healing relationships help us get what we needed now but didn’t get back then. By speaking up with clarity, we begin to feel and see ourselves as the powerful adult we are, altering our view of ourselves and the world.

The Characteristics of a Healing Relationship

Healing relationships operate from a position of trust, equality, and mutual support. Look for these two categories of features:

Defining Features (The Structure)

• Equality: Both people and their needs are of equal importance

• Trust: The relationship operates from a fundamental position of safety and belief.

• Accountability: Responsibility is encouraged and fostered, not excused.

• Commitment: There is a healthy level of commitment to the betterment of both parties.

• Conflict Resolution: Joint problem solving is the norm, focusing on win-win solutions rather than competition.

Communication Standards

• Respect: Deep respect for the feelings, opinions, and viewpoints of each other, including differences and diversity.

• Honesty: Direct and honest communication is practice at all times.

• Fair Feedback: Conflict is dealt with in a timely and direct manner, and feedback focuses on behaviors, where shaming, blaming, and other forms of verbal/emotional abuse and control are not tolerated

• Boundaries: Boundaries are appropriately set and enforced against inappropriate behavior.

5 Practices for Conscious Connection

To actively foster healing in your relationships, integrate these practices into your daily life:

1. Speak the Unsaid

Invite your partner to have a safe conversation about your inner child wounds and triggers. Say the things you couldn’t say to your parents when you were little (e.g., asking your parents to stop criticizing or give you more appreciation or attention). Then ask them to tell you what bothers and triggers them.

2. Honor Each Other’s Wounds

This is not about biting your tongue or giving in but about being more sensitive about how you sound, intentionally appreciating what the other is doing, and being responsive. Do not argue about whose wounds are bigger and more important. Don’t keep score. Simply put your heads down and do what the other asks.

3. Be an adult. (Step into Adult Awareness)

Rewire your brain by intentionally controlling and changing your reaction. Move out of the ‘little-kid emotional reaction’ and step into your grown-up attitude.

• If you tend to withdraw, step up and speak up.

• If you tend to get on your best behavior or people please, don’t automatically accommodate. Be assertive and practice learning to tolerate others’ negative reactions.

• If you get angry, use that anger as information to communicate what you need, and then practice calming down.

4. Embrace Patience and Process

Be patient with yourself and your partner. Changes don't happen overnight. There’s no time pressure, no ‘right way’ to do this. What’s important is shifting your thinking and behavior to operate from your rational brain, not your emotional brain. By changing your thinking and behavior, you will feel less like the little kid that’s always driven by your anxiety.

5. Focus on yourself (Own Your Inner Work)

While this is about your relationship, the ultimate goal is about you–healing and overcoming your past experiences and old emotional baggage that has been holding you down. This is you owning your shadow and doing inner work. Again, don’t keep score. Remember: every individual heals differently and not everyone heals at the same pace.

Questions to Guide Your Healing

Trust:

• Do I feel emotionally and physically safe?

• Do I have to be on guard against being hurt by the other person?

Honesty:

• Are we both able to reveal true feelings without hurting either of us?

Compassion:

• Do we have the ability and willingness to understand one another and express kindness?

Building a Healing Ecosystem

The principles of healing relationships extend beyond partnership. Creating a broader healing culture in your life, work, and community supports your health and well-being.

Communication

Honest and open communication is essential to healing relationships. Good communication skills build strong relationships. It ensures that your interpersonal environment is one that optimizes your ability to heal.

Being a Quality Friend

Having quality friendships is vital to well-being. Be a good friend by listening to understand rather than respond, offer advice when asked, refrain from both judgment and persistent complaining, and value your friends for who they are and provide mutual support.

Create Healing Groups

Being involved in groups that are healthy and have healing qualities supports your health and well-being. These types of healing groups allow you to participate in making decisions that affect you. They promote open and honest communication, create a climate of trust and personal responsibility, and inspire a sense of belonging.

Characteristics of healing community:

• Respect for individuals, including their inner lives.

• A system of values that is present at all levels.

• Honest and open communication at all times.

• A climate of trust.

• A focus on learning rather than blame.

• Opportunities for self-care, like exercise and yoga.

Leadership

Good leaders and good followers “walk the talk.” They work on improving their communication skills, they treat others as they would like to be treated, and they are good team players. Examine your role in the environments you’re in and explore your ability to shift it toward a healing culture, leading by example.

Get Involved

Getting involved is critical if you want the community, you’re a part of to develop a healing culture. Building healing relationships with your co-workers can provide you with opportunities to practice your own self-care and to share with others ways to foster open communication and caring relationships that support greater personal wellbeing, both in work environments and in other social situations.

Healing relationships are of paramount importance. Embracing these experiences is the key component to recognizing a healing relationship when you find one and allowing yourself to grow into a happier and healthier version of yourself.