Effects of Trauma on Relationships

Traumatic incidents can have a profound impact on how we engage with others. There is no universal way that all trauma survivors are affected; for some it brings people closer together, but for many, it creates distance and instability.

The way trauma affects relationships stems from an internalized belief system that developed in response to the original event.

The Root Cause: A Struggle with Self-Worth

Survivors of trauma are often prone to try to hide their emotions and experiences because they fundamentally struggle to communicate their needs and desires—or they don’t know what they are.

This occurs because the survivor may have learned that their needs and desires don’t matter, leading to poor self-worth and the internalization of negative messages from the abuser.

Due to fear of losing the people around them, or the belief that they are ‘too difficult’ if they have needs, this often results in:

• People-pleasing: Prioritizing others’ happiness over their own well-being.

• Emotional unavailability: Hiding or numbing true feelings to maintain perceived safety.

The Effects: Signs of Unresolved Trauma

When these internal struggles go unaddressed, they manifest as predictable patterns in relationships. These signs and symptoms can be grouped into clear categories:

Internal & Emotional State

• Depression or feelings of despair

• Anxiety

• Difficulty accepting support/trusting others

• Feeling numb or disconnected

• Intrusive thoughts or feelings

• Hopelessness

• Poor self-worth

Safety & Trust Issues

• Hypervigilance (being on high alert)

• Difficulty accepting support or trusting others

• Difficulty trusting themselves

Behavioral & Relational Patterns

• Isolating themselves from loved ones

• Repetitive toxic romantic relationship cycles

• Recreating painful relationships (choosing partners who mirror past dynamics)

• Risky behavior or self-medication with alcohol or drugs

• People pleasing

• Psychosomatic symptoms (physical pain without a clear medical cause)

• Anger

The Path to Healing Together

If these patterns prolong and partners fail to recognize the underlying trauma, it can cause further distress for the survivor and confusion for the loved ones.

It is necessary for the trauma survivor to acknowledge trauma and its effects and explore them with their partner or the people that care about them through trauma therapy and collaborative work.

This vital step shows the survivor that they are now surrounded by safe people who truly love and value them—a message that begins to heal the internalized negative beliefs that first caused the relationship struggles.