My Core Truth: My Choice of Fault

I’ve shared my journey through unlearning toxicity, what my fur babies taught me about **Parenthood**, and how I’ve redefined **Partnership**. This final step brings everything together: the realization that the life I have now and will build—the life filled with profound, chosen love—is entirely my own creation.

For too long, I lived under the shadow of toxic expectations, where love was conditional, and joy felt unacceptable—like an accidental, fleeting mistake. I was taught to expect pain, not peace.

Now, I understand a core truth: You are not at fault for your suffering, but you are absolutely at fault for your wonderful life.

In toxic environments, people often deflect blame for pain and struggle. But the opposite is also true. When something good happens, you must own your role in creating it.

I grew up believing that success and happiness were privileges granted by external forces, not results of my own choices and efforts. This led to a constant search for outside validation, or worse, a fear that any moment of happiness would be violently taken away.

Today, when I look at the beautiful, quiet sanctuary I've built—the deep, unconditional bonds with my fur babies, and the evolving, respectful partnership I share—I feel an immense sense of responsibility. Not burden, but responsibility:

• I am responsible for the calm and safety my home provides.

• I am responsible for nurturing the patience that allows my relationships to grow.

• I am responsible for choosing people (and pets) who enrich my life, not drain it.

This is the kind of "fault" I choose to embrace.

People often talk about having "no regrets." But my experience with unlearning toxicity showed me that regret is a heavy, useless weight that binds you to the past. It keeps you focused on what you lacked or what you missed.

My focus has shifted entirely: I don't have regrets; I have lessons.

I don't regret that children were never the plan, because that allowed me to discover my deep, life-affirming capacity for care through my fur babies. I understand things happen for a reason—if human kids show up one day, I am blessed with the honor to love them and to have been chosen by them. I understand they must have their own reason to come down to earth, just as I did. Therefore, I will try my best to guide them, not mold them.

I don't regret the challenges in partnership, because they taught me exactly what true commitment isn't, allowing me to recognize the real, authentic connection when it finally arrived. Yes, it took years of patience and intentional learning, but it was worth it.

Some called my boundaries "high standards," but they were simply a necessity: finding someone who shares the same moral framework. It wasn't about being "too picky." The truth is, I was done with training partners who demanded things from me without ever trying to know me. I had enough of the disrespect and toxic dynamics.

My biggest fear was escaping my toxic family environment only to end up in another toxic dynamic. That wasn't the life I would allow myself to live forever. That's why I was more than willing to be alone for the rest of my life, since a young age, rather than commit to a partnership that compromised my peace.

Partnership and parenthood are not an escape route to bring you security, peace, or happiness. Partnership and parenthood are something you get to build; it is meant to elevate your life. It makes it more meaningful and joyful despite the hardships.

I am grateful I had to learn to be strong in my boundaries. I am grateful I had fears. As I heal, it's not that I've become superior; it just means I found a new purpose for my fears and boundaries: more reason to be grounded so I could better protect my inner peace.

When I look back at my life, I don't have regrets. I choose to look forward with accountability for the good things yet to come.

When the lessons of parenthood (unconditional care, patience, protection) merge with the lessons of partnership (mutual growth, respect, shared vision), the result is a full, chosen, and beautiful life.

My partner and my fur babies are not accidents of fate; they are the intentional cornerstones of my world. They reflect the love I innately carry within, a powerful force that was once channeled into people-pleasing and trying to meet impossible conditions. My boundaries and morals, after healing, finally allowed that love to be channeled correctly and received rightfully.

If anything, the only faults I have are the chances I didn't take. I'm not one to wait if I know it's my time, because waiting means waiting forever. So, while I wait for the right moment, I'll keep trying despite the detours. At the very least, I'm taking small steps and learning along the way.

I am at fault for choosing to build a life where I can say, even on the hardest days: I wouldn't trade this life for anything.

If you’re on a similar journey of unlearning toxicity, remember this: You have the power to define your relationships, your home, and your happiness. Own the effort, accept the growth, and be “at fault” for the wonderful life you create.